Who am I?

Sounds like a fair question. I like, ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’

Personally I think I would change that to, ” who do you want to be when you grow up?”

Who.. that’s the centre the soul the ‘me’ the question in my head, the essence of who am I.

Am I a person that don’t want people to hurt ? Yes

Have I hurt people in my past? Yes. Do I intend on hurting anyone in the future? No, not if I can help it.

However, at the risk of testing my own moral standards I probably would do or say something to hurt someone if I felt that the knowledge from the hurt would better them or their life. There is a word for that right? Passive aggressive?

It would be impossible to make a bold statement like, I’ll never hurt anyone intentionally. Although I so wish that were the truth. I just know the world don’t work like that.

I have wronged in my life and I felt I needed to do right, overly do too much to feel less guilt about my wrongs. Pointless ? Maybe a process, yes a process I hope most people will experience. Can’t just be me that does this- self hate and a sponge for the guilt.

I see you sponge and I twist you and turn you till every drop of this negativity falls away.

I am sorry to everyone I ever wronged but I can’t sit looking sorry any longer. 

I wanted you all to know I am done feeling shit about myself and losing sight on who I want to be when I grow up. If you ain’t over it then I am sorry you wasn’t able to find me for the last two decades.

Been right here in my hole for everyone to see. Looking defeated and sorry for all my wrongs in front of everyone I wronged. You may or may not have watched as life threw me some furious, Jupiter sized karma balls my way. Feels like I’ve paid my dues.

I am done now. Years have passed and I need to laugh at myself and smile at where I am and how I hurdled over some life changing shit. If we can’t use the lessons we learnt from negative painful things how can we move onward to positive, joyful things.

Do I know who I am? Not 100% sure but working on it!

I know who I don’t want to be so I kissed her goodbye.

I am not claiming I am not an arsehole. It’s probably not strong enough but I am trying to be less of an arsehole everyday. Are you?

T.S

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