Can’t write 

So, no one can find a pair of headphones for my iPhone 5. These fuckers all got other phones and the one or two pairs of headphones that were mine have been broke by such little bastards leaving me with fuck all to blast in my ears while we go in on trouble with teddy is.
She is a clumsy bitch.

I ever tell you about the time I had a sanity towel stuck on my top and was walking around mac Donald’s with a fucking sanitary pad on my front! ? 

What about when I ran down a hill into a wall. I just couldn’t stop!
Did I ever tell you about the ring? OMG too funny but not now!

I used to think if it’s going to go wrong it will while I am around it. Can’t go out for a simple pizza hut date. Because it would be our pizza that got dropped and we have another 20 minutes wait for it but it would be free! 

I’ve walked out of the toilets in a busy pub with bog roll wrapped around the heel of my boot. I practically pulled the hole roll through the pub. Those ‘all I can do is bow moments.’ 

I would love to tell you I could count on one hand the silly shit I pulled. It would be a lie. I can openly tell you when I am lying. It’s a thing I do to myself so I don’t hurt people. Just don’t lie. I’ve broke into full on dance in the middle of a shopping centre. I shout and beep randomly to strangers I pass. Have shouted bus stop wankers at the wankers at the bus stop. Found out later it was someone I knew!
I’ve done inappropriate things on trains, in cars and in toilets. I seriously don’t think I had much of a jiminy cricket. 

Stoned aged 13 in the back of my best friends, boyfriends van. They thought it would be super fun to drive us right into the school playground! I thought it was super amusing me. Didn’t go down so well with adults. I went to an all-girl school. So right off the bat I have boy issues. What’s more appealing than the things we really want! They blacked out the school windows so the boys that passed the school wouldn’t be able to see in. the school was run by women. How strange! 

Anyway, getting stoned and being a general pain in the arse was top of my priority list at that age. Huff, no headphones! 

So I am clumsy!

I fell over my husband the day I met him. I fall over my own shadow, I drop stuff but that’s not what’s funny I think it’s what I say out loud that makes the whole thing funny for someone. Not always intentional some shit just slips out! 

I used to ice skate which is funny when just walking down the road is having to concentrate on not falling over!
Moving a sofa around today and it almost killed us both! I am not sure why I am looking to dive into some negative writing. I want to write about something fun I did but I am annoyed about the head phones so I can’t fucking write!



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