I don’t always understand why I focus my thoughts and feelings on something that happened so many years ago. I wonder of those that I hurt and deceived and wonder if when they see my name come up on the people you might know, they sit and think. ‘ that one was an arsehole.’ That would be being nice.
I don’t think I’ve truly forgiven myself for my behavior of my younger self I don’t think I will get a chance to apologize to everyone I ever wronged. I have to draw a line under that shit! Now! I am making current mistakes that need my attention so I cannot sit and punish myself for all the stupid shit I did years ago. Was there reasons and situations that could help others understand? Of course but no one wants to know that when they have been hurt.
So to all of those people living your lives not knowing anything about this and how I have punished myself for my own wrongdoing. I am done now. I have learned from my mistakes and I wouldn’t even think of doing anything like how I used to. Id be disappointed if my children were to behave in such a manner. I am sorry if I lied, took from you or hurt you. I was stupid and I need to forgive myself so I can deal with the issues in my life that are current.
Sorry it’s taken me so long but I cannot keep feeling this guilt for the things I done.
Grant me to strength to know what I cannot change and the strength to change what I have control of and to know the difference between the two.